Can I Get One More With Extra Mud and Extra Ice?

Like a moth to a flame, like a fly to a fresh turd, like white to rice, I found myself drawn outdoors for yet another ride today. Before I knew what hit me this morning I found myself squeezing my various saggy flabby bitz into a kit in preparations to head out for another ride. Cold(ish)? Yes, but bright sun and blue sky... in February... in MICHIGAN! YES!! Yeah, yeah, sooner or later I know that Ma Nature is gonna use the whole fist on us, but I'm not really not gonna sit around waiting for that to happen, I'm gonna ride.

I was not so violently forced to take the TiEM out again since the Jake is still at Terry's. Done, but still at Terry's. So I rolled my knobs on pavement, dirt roads, mud, ice, snow, mud, slush and mud. I said mud right?

I'm not gonna lie, the chilly temps and constant pedaling that is required by riding a knobby tired mountain bike on tiny nubbin boob hilled dirt roads really takes it out of me. It can just be relentless pedaling, add in some icy roads, some soul/tire sucking mud and it just makes it that much more of a pain in the balls. But again WHO THE EPH AM I TO SAY NO TO RIDING OUTSIDE IN FEBRUARY?

Smooth, rolling pavement gave way to tacky dirt roads, tacky dirt roads gave way to stretches of solid ice in the shade of tall pines, solid ice gave way to slush, to be followed by more tacky mud which then gave way to wet, bukaka like spattering of mud and road sludge. Good times indeed... I think my bike hates me.

Blackburn fender has been one of my best purchases in recent months. Stays tight, keeps the mud off my dandling ass. Good stuff.

This week's ride have all been similar distances and lengths (except for Monday & Tuesday which were hour rides on the trainer) but I am shocked at the rides seemed WAY longer. I mean today was the longest at just under 3 hours and I felt like I was out for six. I think it must have to be the chill in the air. Surely it's not that I am out of shape? Right? RIGGGGHHHHTTTT????

This photos could have been better. As it was, I was having an "OH SHIT!!" moment on solid ice. Why I felt the need to try to take a photo instead of holding on and praying not to fall, I have NO idea. Me = idiot.

I have no plans to ride tomorrow. I want to sleep. I want to sleep long and hard. I want a sleep that is the equivalent of hard core porn. Wait, I don't know what that means.... forget that. I just want to sleep. But I am 110% sure that between Jake The Dog's need to shit and piss and a mind filled with its normal torment I will sleep no more than five or six hours. UG!

I have to say that this week was titz (ride wise, work/life wise it made me want to set myself on fire and run through a mall. What, too drama queen?). I got in about 11 hours of saddle time. Shit, there's times that I don't get that much in during the height of my mediocre summer riding and race season.

Later.

More Mud, Angry Dogs & Barns

The mild winter continues, so I continue to make hay while the sun shines. Or in this case while the various shades of grey and brown shine. The temperatures have been on the "not bad" side, in the low 40s, but the lack of sun combined with perpetually wet and mud of the back roads has it feeling colder than it is. But it ain't snow, so I'll take it!

I continued to explore the roads and dirt roads north west of town. Got out for a couple hours and burned a good deal of calories. No real use blathering about it. It's wasn't that long of a ride, it was just another ride filled with muddy roads, angry dogs and barns. But just like the weather, I'll take it.

Later.

Slight Modifications

Today was like yesterday with some slight modifications. I rode a tiny bit further, on a different bike and rode about 80% of the time on dirt roads which ranged from tacky, to muddy, to sheets of ice. The ride only clocked in at a bit over two hours, but the bonus is that I found fresh to me dirt (roads) and I now know how to hook them up with the stuff to the south that I usually ride. This makes the possibility of a dirty (sanchez) century a very real possibility this spring.

With the Jake in the shop getting brake love, I took the Ti El Mariachi out. I realized yet again that I am an utter whore when it comes to my bikes. Yesterday I took the Jake out and thought "riding the cross bike on these shit roads and dirt roads is the best ever." Today I took the TiEM out and thought "riding the hardtail on these shit roads and dirt roads is the best ever."

Even though there is a definite chill in the air and some occasional ice on the roads, I gotta say I am stoked to be out riding my bike for the 2nd day in a row.... in February! Hoping to make it three in a row tomorrow. I hope.

Later.

Ride The Funk Out

Nothing can get one down like the reality of what a small business ACTUALLY "brings home" after all the debits and expenses. I guess on the bright (red) side, I really won't be paying any taxes this year! Ha!

But funk be damned, the fully loaded shit cart of life moves on! And like I always say "when life hands you shit, throw it at someone else." OK, maybe not that, but at least take advantage of the melted ice, get on the bike and go ride. And that's just what I did today.

The ride was not long (just 1:40), nor hard (hello, 1% elevation gain or some such cow shit like that), but it was nice and a way better workout than sitting on the trainer... AGAIN!

I planned on doing all paved roads, but as per usual the planned loop threw me some unexpected muddy, wet curve balls (DAMN YOU MAPMYFUCKINGRIDE.COM AND YOUR SLOW ASS WEB SITE FOR NOT LETTING ME ZOOM IN ENOUGH TO SEE WHETHER THE ROAD IS DIRT OR PAVEMENT!!). Oh well, at least I was prepared for it with the CX bike and fender.

Nothing like a slog over a muddy farm road or two into a headwind at 10-11 mph and the heart rate at 155+. I guess I can call that my "hill."

The rural Michigan lanscape is littered with old, pre-DISH Network satellite dishes. Well I ASSUME that they are TV dishes, for all I know NASA or the CIA took to hiding their dishes in the middle of Rectal Fornication, Michigan. At least these folks dressed theirs up a bit--

After I got home I needed to bust ass to get the Jake cleaned up and get down to Terry's Cycles in Alma to drop the bike off for some brake & headset love. Took a few extra minutes since my slop bucket was left outside and frozen. CUSS!!

Ice thawed, bike washed, ass scrubbed, trip to Alma complete, B-Man picked up, work worked on. Dinner ate, etc., etc.,

You would think that after seeing that I made less money than most 11 year old paper boys (or 50 year old drunken hobos) in 2011 I would not be thinking about bikes and purchases there of. But I am. My thought is to ditch my road bike (frame and some parts since I haven't ridden it in over a year) and my cross bike (frame and some parts) get something cross-disc like for gravelish-dirt-riding and UltraCX type racing/riding. Many things would have to come together for that, including some disc wheel swapping from my hard tail as I make room for a possible set of wheels that may be coming my way in the near future to try out. Time will tell. OR I might just say "fuck it" and ride and race the shit I got until it falls apart and THEN move on. Either way, it's all good (enough).

Later.

Lost Weekend

Every so often a weekend comes along that can only be described as a "lost weekend." Motions were gone through, things happened, good times were had, but at the end of the day there was no real riding so therefore it may as well never happened. Life Rule 003-A a ride (good or bad) defines the worth of a day. It's a fact. PERIOD.

I had the best intentions this weekend: maybe go XC skiing with some friends, maybe get out for a ride on the road/dirt roads, maybe go for a winter hike. In the end I rode for 1:25 on the trainer while watching 4 episodes of Portlandia on Netflix. Fun...big fucking fun. Booo!!

The ride never really materialized due to the hunks of rutted ice all over the place. Some of the paved roads may have been OK, but to tell you the truth I just didn't have the mental fortitude this weekend to deal. Yeah, I suck the big lame hairy one sometimes. Blah!

Skiing never really happened because basically I really don't like it. Sure I have some fun once I'm out there doing it, but for the most part I think of it the same way I think about walking, hiking, running, driving, scooting, skipping, thinking, showering, defecating and crawling; "This would be cool if I was on my bike." This is why I think it's inevitable that a fat bike will be mine. I'm not oppose to snow, I'm oppose to not being able to ride my bike.

"You know what I do, I flip my boner up into my waistband.
It hides it and it feels awesome" - Seth, from the movie Superbad

A fat bike might work but I remain on the fence wondering how much I would get to use it and more importantly put off by not having the money to buy one. I will say I walked Jake The Dog today and found myself at the window of Motorless Motion with my nose pressed up against the glass looking at the Surly Pugsley in the window. Damn I had a serious bikeon right on Main St. It was sort of embarrassing. But it felt good.

Another highlight to this lost and crap weekend was the amount of work I got done on XXC #15. I am REALLY stoked for this on. A couple of great interviews, some cool features and some cool pics. I remember when I used to bitch about having to work overtime on weekends and what not many years ago, now with XXC it's pretty much a 24/7/365 type job. There are no real days off. But it's pretty cool. If I could JUST get a real paycheck I'd be stoked! Ha!

Saturday night we met up with a group of friends at The Bird. Great pizza, great beer, and good peeps, all within 4 blocks of our crib. THAT is cool. Not to mention they had Hop Slam on tap- COOLER!!!

Napper from Terry's called last week to let me know that my TRP CX9 brakes are FINALLY in. Now I can finally ditch the ball suck cantilever brakes on the Jake and not have to wonder if I will stop or not.
Of course until the fucking snow melts I will be on my disc braked El Mariachi for the most part so it's like pissing off the back porch (I made that phrase up, I think by definition it will just be doesn't really fucking matter). Anyhoo, I've heard good things about these brakes and I'm anxious to get them on. Hitting the brakes and stopping is cool. Hitting the brakes and finding yourself in the middle of an intersection is not. Just ask the kids.

OK, that should do it for a couple days or until I grow a set and get outside for a ride. I gotta go piss off the back porch (for real).

Later.

Yikes, This Is Disturbing

All I'm saying is that I am way more disturbed by the pic of Hoogerland with the neon shades, wife beater base layer, farmer tan and Euro clubbing tattoo than I am by the pic of his ripped up bloody ass and chamois bits.

Later.

The Madness

This is about the time of year that I start to crack. January is getting CLOSE to being in the bag, so all I need to do is get through February and then things will start moving again bike wise. Much of the ground here is like one frozen glazed doughnut. In the past 1.5 weeks we have had rain, freezing rain, sleet, snow, -0 degree temps, 45 degree temps, rain, then temps back into the teens at night. Shit, it's hard to even stay upright walking in my back yard for f's sake.

Serenity now.... halllmmmmm..... hallllmmmmmm..... Did I mention that Bell's Hop Slam is due out VERY soon? Did I also mention that my local beer store is holding a case for me when it does arrive? Now THAT will make February go by faster for sure!

Work continues to be a blur of podcasts, reading, layouts and continued learning of InDesign (I'm STILL loving that freaking program!!). Some day's I am in awe of the amount of stuff I have done with the mag: getting better at writing (not that it shoes, here, but I don't really give a shit about this blog), better at design work, learning web stuff, doing podcasts, etc., etc., Thank God I am so busy, because if I pause for too long (or look at my accounting records) I start to regret not going to those open interviews at the new Rally Burger on Mission. Those kids must rake in some serious jing. WHY DID I GO TO ART SCHOOL??? WHY??? Oh yeah,... dim bulb.

Later.

Doing It Proper

Since I lamed out on posts most of the week and did an XXC "double post" yesterday, I figured I would do something more proper on yesterday's cold weather ride.

Mmmm... sun, snow and not a trainer in sight.

I spent all week on the trainer this week. That was due to a shit storm of trying to learn a new layout program (InDesign) at work and a series of cold, wet snow and ice storms we had here mid-mitten. But as the week progressed, the snow increased, became dryer (better) and the temp dropped like a bullet making the dirt roads more ride-able. But that temperature! Zero?? For realz??

There was no way I was riding on the trainer because as cold as it was outside, the sun was shining full on and I needed to soak up some vitamin D (even if my eyebrows and nose were the only visible parts of my body being exposed to the sun).

I figured with a few ghetto mods to my normal cool weather riding attire I could make the 9 degree ride time temperature feel a tad better.

Have the feeling this pic just went into some sort of file at the F.B.I.

In order of appearance....

1. Thin wicking socks.
2. Swiftwick wool socks.
3. Thin fake Under Armour type base layer.
4. Craft Windstopper base layer on top.
5. Bibs & fleece lined leg warmers.
6. Balaclava & XXC fleece beanie.
7. Endura cool weather jacket.
8. old Lake winter shoes
9. Giordana winter cycling gloves.
10. Lazer lid.
11. Under Armour wind pants.
12. Not on me, but on the bike Moose Mitts. (see XXC post for more).

I think it took me 35 minutes to get dressed. I think I lost 5 pounds in sweat before I made it out the door!! BUT, I made it out the door and that was a big step for me 'cause A. I hate being cold and B. I hate being cold.

As I rode the snow covered streets Ehm Pee heading out of town to the snow covered dirt roads I could not have been happier. My hands were warm, my legs were warm, I was geeked for a nice ride.

I sort of had an "oh shit" moment as I headed out Crawford and saw a GIANT snowplow coming at me. The plow down, snow exiting the side, GRRRRRRRPPPPPFFFFFLLLLLOOGGRRRRRRRRRPFFFFF!!!! I thanked Baby-J that it was on the OTHER side of the road and it was not coming up behind me. Me thinks I would have been turned into 200 pounds of 60% Fat Ground Mahokey.


Once on the farm roads the conditions were perfect! The snow was packed pretty well and the ruts weren't too bad. I am 72% certain that a Mukluk, Bully or Fatback would have rolled a bit better on the snow and given me just a tad more confidence, but I gotz to sell a LOT more XXC shit before a new bike is in the stable. Really, I was just happy to be outside in the sun, even if it was cold as tits.

"Climbs" were just a tad harder (better!) on the snow.

For the first hour+ I could not have been happier. My hands were warm, my feet were OK, and I was having fun in the snow on my bike.

Then it happened.

My warm fingers started sweating and while shielded from the wind and cold there was not getting around the fact it was COLD outside. Thus the fingers started to get cold REAL cold. Like can't let go of the bar 'cause it hurts, grit you teeth cold. Frig!! I KNEW I should have started back about 20 minutes ago. Now I'm stuck finishing out the loop!

Oh and then there's my feet. UG! The vintage Lakes are OK, but seem like anything longer than an hour in super cold temps and my feet are miserable. I kept trying to wiggle my toes, but there just isn't that much room in the toe box. Damn!


Oh well, I did what I could to ignore the pain and my inability to stay warm and just tried to enjoy the day; the sun, the warm intoxicating smell of cow manure, the site and sounds of snowmobiles passing me at roughly 110 mph and the joy of being on my bike instead of the trainer.

On a positive note I did use a small stainless steel insulated thermos on the bike and it allowed my sports drink to stay unfrozen. I also stashed a bottle in my jersey pocket under my jacket just in case. That worked well too. I was nice to be able to stay hydrated for a change on a cold ride.

The ride was not all that "epic" or hard as it was only just about 2:50 or so, but the conditions made me work all that harder and I noticed that my HR was averaging about 10 bpm more than usual. I also found that I burned a TON more calories than my usual CX loop on dry roads.

I can't say I'm anxious to be that cold again and I'm taking today off to lay around in a den of sloth (actually work on XXC) but I'm sure I will return to the snow covered roads soon. Each time I learn a little more. Then next project is my feet!!

I continue to be amazed at the folks who do the cold weather races and tours. I just do NOT know how they stay warm?? Balls... BIG balls.

Later.