2 Hours Of Simulated Self Pleasure
Today was strange from a workout point of view for me. I was at a crossroads. There was not a cloud in the sky and the temps were looking to get up into the 40s by the afternoon, even if it was 25 at 10 a.m.. Great day for a ride. Or not. I wasn't sure what to do. The roads (in my opinion) still had too much ice/snow on the sides (where I would be riding so as not to be run down by a semi) to safely ride, and the rail trail would have been through that funky freeze/thaw/freeze/thaw routine that leaves it either treacherous glazed ice/snow or mushy. Frig!
So I did what I felt I needed to do. Lubed up the under carriage, chamoised up, grabbed iPodious and hit the trainer for 2 hours of simulated riding pleasure. First a warm up, then 5 minutes in each gear 39/25 thru 39/12, then 5 minutes in each gear 53/25 thru 53/12, with some warm up and cool down thrown in. Mostly Zone 2/3 stuff. I felt I at least replicated a two hour rail trail ride without putting 5 layers of clothing on, freezing my fingers, getting run down by a mullet head driving a Camaro or gunking up my bike's drive train.
I've come to the conclusion that riding the trainer is sort of like having sex with a blow up doll. (NOT that I ever have. At least not knowingly) It's not real, and you feel pretty stupid while doing it, but the end result is pretty much the same. Today was no different. I got the job done and felt good at the 2 hour mark. I didn't even have to cuddle with a blow up doll afterwards (not that I've ever felt the need to make sure a 38DD blow up doll didn't feel like I used her). OK, I MAY did tell The Booger (my trainer bike) that I would call it later, but that was it man- NO CUDDLING! Plus we all know I won't really call it. But you have to keep 'em happy.
God damn the U.S. Postal Service!!! Yeah that's right. F*ck 'em! It appears they've lost my Zym order. Zym says I should have got it last week. Here we are Saturday and still NO Zym. Not Zym's fault. It's the freaking $30 an hour, if someone farts you get the day off, go to work with a gun, kill your co workers, junk mail hauling, U.S. Postal Service workers fault. Uniformed wankers. I WANT MY ZYM M.F.!!!!
Staying in tonight. Wifey knows I hate Winter and long for spring/summer. Nothing says Spring/Summer to us like some fine Gin & Tonics. So for Valentines Day, Wifey got me us a kick ass present. A bottle of Tanqueray, a sack of limes and a sixer of Tonic.
So we're making like it's spring, tipping a couple back and praying for warm weather. I long for heat, chamois sweat, a road ride on a sunny and humid summer night, racing, seeing friends, and sitting on the front porch drinking a G&T. Good times. Good times.