2008 12 Hours of Cranky Monkey Race Report

After the cluster f*ck that was my 24 Hours of Big Bear earlier this month, I was looking forward to heading down to the 12 Hours of Cranky Monkey at the U.S.M.C. base in Quantico, Virginia. I needed to try to revive some race mojo and feel good about my racing again. This would and wouldn't happen. Read on....

First I woke up Friday A.M. to find this note from WIfey and B-Man...

It always feels nice to get a good luck note from them. They rock.
Check out the "E" that Brennan laid down. Damn, that's sweet.

Friday was a day off of work, so after I took care of B-Man duties, and got the Soob packed up, I was off for Quantico, VA. The trip down was highly uneventful. I seemed to just miss every thunderstorms that popped up in the PA/WV/MD/VA area, and I won't complain about that.

I guess I could complain about watching the outside temperature gauge steadily climb as I headed South. Complaining wouldn't do much good. It's summer in Virginia, what did I expect??

At least it didn't say 100 degrees, right? It was about this time that I thought the Soob's A/C shit the bed. Low power and blowing of steam out the vents. I think it was it's way of saying "I'm givin' it all I've got Captain!". Thankfully, it would bounce back later, no prob.

Since I made better time than I thought I went to the hotel to check in and chamois up before heading over to Quantico to pre ride the 10 mile course. The Days Inn was OK, but anytime I stay in a hotel like Days Inn, Sleep Inn, Econo Lodg, etc., it always makes me feel like a murder, drug deal or homemade porno could be taking place in any of the surrounding rooms. Room was fine. That's just my hotel issue.

Got to the Marine base and the race staging area to see that there were a good amount of folks already around. Glad I chamoised up the cheeks in the hotel and not in the parking lot. Enter one borderline pacifist in the U.S.M.C brig. Soon I was off and on the trails. The dirt was in good shape, even with some recent storms. Give credit to sandy soil. Black WV mud or PA clay dirt would have been down for the count, but this stuff was perfect and alternated between bone dry, tacky, and just a tad muddy in one or two low spots.

The pre ride was going great, I felt good and even though I was so far on the tip of my saddle I think it poked my lower intestine, I cleaned this f*cking climb!...

Things start off OK, but then get steeper and steeper. The dirt is loose rock and sand for the most part. There is one more little steep up that the trees obscure in this pic. That's the part that had my saddle's nose doing some anal probing.

Did about another mile or two and then... I got off course!! Drat! Must have been some tape down or I was just moving too fast (tape must have been down). Only went about another .5 miles until I found the course again, but it was a big enough blunder that I missed half of the freaking course!! Drat! NO WAY was I starting over in this heat with a race in about 16 hours. So back to the car, check in with the race peeps and head back to the Days Inn for my Ballz, pasta, mucho hydrating and channel surfing.

It seemed like before I knew it I was at the venue, setting up with Plum Grove Pete (AKA "Slow Twitch"). Typical pre race stuff ensued. Riders meeting, timing chips handed out, and last minute bike prep. Then, off to the start which of COURSE had to be a run to the bikes. 250 Pro World Cup racers can race a 5K course without a run, but endurance racers and slobs like me have to run 10 city blocks to "thin the pack out" Jesus, if the pack can't thin out over a 10 mile course and 12 hours- It ain't EVER gonna thin out!. Lodi, 18 Hours on The Farm and Leesburg = Rolling starts! Can we PLEASE all get on the same page??

So I did my typical jog to the bike. Lumbering, huffing, puffing and wanting to just stop and walk until I got to the Mamasita. Once on the bike there was some nice flat sections to recover until the first climb. I was feeling good and the bike was handing great. Getting a chance to ride the WHOLE course was a not-so-nice reminder of some of the other climbs there. For the most part I was doing fine and just tried to pace myself. At 8 A.M. it was in the 70s with predicted high of over 90 degrees.

I was hauling unflavored Hammer Heed in the Deuter, Carbo Pro Plus/Gatorade for calories in a bottle, and a gel once per lap. This was doing a good job for the first 2 laps. By lap 3 things really heating up. I'm talkin' "from-undah-fat man's balls" HOT! I continued to pound Heed, and was taking water hand ups from the race volunteers to pour over my head in the attempt to stay cool.

Lap 3 was fun though. I rode a bit with a woman from a Bike Lane team. She was a pretty strong rider and would regularly pass me only for me to pass her on an up hill or clean something she didn't. This caused her to call me "Mr. Consistency". I wish! It was nice to chat a bit as we leap frogged.

I also had another rider behind me ask me if Bikeman.com was my sponsor. I said "yep" and as we rode along he told me the story of how great he thought Bikeman was. He said that he had an issue with an older XT disc brake and no mechanic in the area knew how to help him, but he called 1-800-BIKEMAN and they walked him through it. That was cool. He would be one of two folks to comment to me about Bikeman.com rocking. Another dude said he liked my Mamasita, but mistakenly called it the Big Mama. I said "nope, it's the Mama-ssseeee-tahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! She's the Big Mama's older little seestor" (I know that doesn't make sense, but I like the sound of it). It was cool though to know that the Big Mama is already on people's radar.

Before I went out for lap 4, I pitted, took a 5 minute brake and poured ice water all over myself until I felt I had got my core temp down. Then I took in a gel that was was so warm I think I burnt my tongue and headed out for lap 4.

Lap Four: Enter The Pain Cave.
Or hell's pizza oven, either way it's about the same.

Things were getting SUPER tough on my body now. Cramps were edging in, and I was so F*CKING HOT!!!" I mean this was pizza oven hot. Seriously! Do a multi hour workout on your stationary trainer in the kitchen of a pizza joint at the end of June in the mid South and you will know exactly what I felt like. My granny gear became my friend due to the fact that any hard core power would force my legs to seize up with cramps. I was pumping out so much sweat that I was just amazed! I'm talking SSSSSSSSSSSSSWEAT!! I continued on the Heed and was dumping water on myself at every aid station. One station had a young lady spraying riders with a water bottle. That rocked. Except for the one time she had it on "stream" and I took a direct hit to the ear canal!! I yelled out "I'M HIT!!" and screamed at her for wrecking my hearing. I'M KIDDING! I thanked her and told her it felt great.

The heat was like nothing I've ever raced in before. I've ridden in 90 degree heat before, but there's a big ass difference between riding for 2 hours and trying to race for 12. I made it back to the pit, took another ice shower, ate some Chex Mix, and took a sip of cold flat Coke. Alright, I have 40 miles in. I had a goal of 100 on the day (10 laps). 60 more to go??? WTF??? OK, relax. Take a little brake. Cool down and get back out there!!

I headed out for my 5th lap. I was in no way refreshed. I was suffering. But hey, suffering is part of this racing. I hit the first climb. Cleared it, but my legs again seized up when I hit the top. Stop. Soft pedal. Cramp. Walk. Stop. Soft pedal. Cramp, etc., etc., etc., OK, suffering is one thing, extreme pain, and not being about to ride my bike is another. I THINK this lap and 50 miles would have to be enough. Shit.

I got back to the pit and took an extended brake. I laid in the shade, doused myself with ice water. I tried to keep the cramps at bay, but it was useless. ANY movement and my legs would lock up. I eventually pedaled down to the pit and checked in. There was some thunder in the distance and there was a potential for a thunderstorm race stoppage. So I wanted to make sure this lap of suffering would at least count! I gave them my timing device, said I'd be back in a while to continue as soon as I got the cramps under control.

This was not looking good though. This was just way more heat than I'm used to being in. Talking to the locals they really didn't think much of it. They were like "could be worse". WORSE?? The only way I could have been any hotter is if you would have sat me on fire and tried to put it our with $4.05 a gallon gasoline! In the Pittsburgh area if it gets close to 90 degrees they get all freaky and tell people they'll die if they even think of leaving the house let alone exercise. In Virginia they put on a 12 hour race. I love it!!

Like I said above I can't complain too much. It's the end of June in Virginia. It's going to be dog ball hot for sure. I tried, but could only get in 5 laps. The attrition rate was pretty high, and even blog mate, M.A.S.S. XC stud Travis had to bail due to the heat. This was no Big Bear. When I WAS riding, I had fun. The trails were top notch, fast and fun. The EX2 peeps put on a hell of a race. I just could not stop the cramps. Heed, Endurlytes, salty snacks, etc. Nothing worked. I was just pumping out fat man sweat and a skinny man's body.

I started packing up, spent some time talking to my friends from Plum Grove (Bob A., Blair, Stewart, Rita, and Pete) and Travis and Blake. I wanted to stick around for the end to see how they all finished up, but I as cramping with every move, and sweating so much that I had ass sweat from just standing there!! Ass sweat!! How does a skinny (by American standards) guy get f*cking ASS SWEAT just standing there?? I mean I'm talking it was "that dude looks like he shit himself" type ass sweat. Cheese & Rice!! So I headed back to the hotel, making a pit stop for a pizza along the way. Congrats to Pete, Bob and Stewart on a hell of a race. Please don't think me a dick for not sticking around. I was sort of afraid I might sweat to death. Hope to see you all again soonl

I hoped for a LOT more from this race. It was by no means a wash, but my performance in the heat was less than stellar. I did have fun, raced some cool trails and pushed myself to the limit. That's all I can ask. I might take a little racing hiatus for a while. I may be burned out on sucking right now. I'm scheduled to do the 101 at the end of July. Not sure if I should or not. We'll see. I've been kicking around the idea of phasing myself out of the race scene. I love it, but I continue to struggle with what I want from it. I do sort of believe I raced better when I was depressed. I guess I thought of it as "therapy" or "self medicating via miles of suffering". But due to the wonders of modern chemistry and the desire to not alienate my wife and son, I guess I need to make the best of what my mama gave me.

The thing with my racing is I'm not a competitive person by nature. So THAT'S not a motivator. I like to ride my bikes a LOT. But I can't figure out if I need to race to do that or not. I love what racing gives me: The chance to see friends, race and ride my bike, see new places, support cycling in the U.S., meet new people and do this blog. I love testing out products, giving feedback, talking about bike, etc. Maybe I should just try to work for a bike mag and take the pressure of racing off me? (as if?)

If I was just a guy riding his bike, would anyone read this dross? I don't know? I mean I'm not Kerkove, Solo Goat, or other PRO type. I'm just a guy, riding my bike, staying fit and getting the word out about folks who I believe in. Through my racing, race reports and blogging If I can make someone laugh, try racing or just get on a bike, then my job is done. And I think that JUST might be worth it. Whether any sponsors do or not, that's their call. It might not be about the bike, but it IS about cycling, riding, racing and the love of it all.

Not sure where I ended up on the day. I would think somewhere in the mid pack, we shall see.

Time to relax, have a beer or six, and cook up some Mexicana de la White Trash.

Later.

p.s. Back to Pittsburgh today. 70 degrees and rain. Nice. Real nice.