I think I realized this weekend why this time of year gets me in such a mind funk. Sure it COULD be the darkness, the cold, the snow, and fake the holiday cheer. It COULD be. But I think the main reason I get in a funk this time of year is due to a loss of identity.
During the spring, summer and fall- a day, a week, a month is made up of when I'm riding, where I'm riding, when I'm racing, where I'm racing, how I performed, etc., At work friends are constantly asking me about my riding and racing, I have REAL stuff to write and talk about. I feel like I'm somebody beyond a 37 year old, semi OK husband, borderline good father and sub par graphic artist. Sure I'm a mid pack at best endurance racer but it still feels ggggoood. Maye it's egoistical, maybe it's just a need for mental masturbation. Who kows?
The winter is time on the trainer, watching my diet and trying to get more than 5 hours of training in a week. I feel like a different person. A person I can NOT connect with. I waffle in between feeling like a "bike racer" and a dude just trying to shed a few pounds. Nothing against Mr. Attempted Pound Shedder, it's just that racing is so much MORE than that. It's a reason to ride, it's seeing friends, new places, and new trails. It's pushing myself beyond comfort and telling the tale.
Pushing myself during a trainer session or a winter ride is just NOT the same. In fact just talking about it can have one on the cusp of super lameness. I mean we're ALL trying to staying in shape, and get or improve fitness. That can hardly give one an identity. My riding and racing helps me to achieve an identity that is just NOT possible during the winter. I feel like the Soiled Chamois is lame. Like no matter what I do, it's just not really worth writing about.
So if now and again a day goes by that I don't post, don't think I've FINALLY mentally cracked or that the "clot" finally took me down. It's just as much as everyday life makes up and contributes to how we race, ride and perform. It's just NOT that interesting. Beyond a voyeuristic perv like Racin' Rick, I don't know who reads this. That doesn't stop me from writing, that's for sure. Actually this whole post was just me trying to work in calling Rick a "voyeuristic perv". ;) Kidding Rick.
So what is the real purpose of this post? Not sure. I guess it's just a heads up that I'm changing some stuff up on a personal level. Trying to lose some weight and get focused on 2009. This will be a little mentally draining over the next few weeks. Don't think me a dick or a jack off. I have narrowed my schedule down for 2009 and I'm fucking stoked for it!! 90% endurance racing with a few XC races thrown in. Right now it looks like one 13 hour solo, two 12 hours solos and a couple of hundies. Then work in some XC and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE one 24 Hour Solo if I can get rid of the blood clot and off of the blood thinners. Thanks for letting me get this out there. Stick with me kids. 2009 is gonna be fun!
The weekend was freaking good even with only ONE hour of riding. Went to Wifey's Holiday party up in the land of too tan soccer mom MILFS- Cranberry Twp. We stayed the night at the Sheraton, had an incredible meal, some good beer and a blissful kid free, get-a-way weekend. My God are the Sheraton pillows blissful!! Big thanks to my dad for watching B-Man. I won't go into too many more details other than it was fun with a capital "Do Not Disturb Sign" ;)
Today my family celebrated Christmas. My bro is working over Christmas so we threw down some good eats and exchanged presents today. My sis cooked up a killer ham, and other viddles and the kids were off the hook excited about getting early Christmas presents. It was good to see my bro (who I hadn't seen since early November) and my nephew Chris. Chris had this to say out his co-worker Gerry.. "dude eats A LOT!" Now we all know Gerry's secret. So eat up this Holiday season and race like Gerry P.! HA!
Time for a beer and some food.