Throw Me a Tour Bone

Every mountain stage of the Tour I've tuned in waiting to see a vicious attack by a big name rider, and every mountain stage I'm just a little disappointed. It's not that there aren't attacks, or I don't love watching the mountain stages regardless, it's just that I long to see some cheeky, ballzy move that sticks. I want to see someone go all "Cannibal" on the peloton's asses, put the hammer down, pull away from the Yellow jersey group and steal the jersey.

I want a move that would get Phil and Paul so worked up that they would be cursing and spitting into the microphone uncontrollably like two drunken English madmen- "Jesus Christ Paul look at the f*cking move this cheeky c*nt is pulling, and IT'S WORKING!! This is the one that will stick, this is the one where he says to this lead group, that does contains the maillot jaune- "Take a look at my ripped buttocks and f*ck off! I'll see you in Paris". I agree Phil, he's one strong mother f*cker, and I dare say he reminds me of a certain "cannibal" who was known to rip your legs off on a climb such as this, lodge them in what the French riders call your "âne désolé" and ride away to the finish. Of course that "cannibal" was Eddy Merckx".

Then I imagine when the race is over the camera cuts to them and for some reason they are both shirtless and have blood splattered all over them, yet continue on as if all is normal. THAT'S what I want to see!

OK, OK, I might be asking too much. OR I might have an overactive imagination. Yes, there's been moments- Contador getting all pissy and kicking it up the final kilometers of Stage 7 was a little exciting, if nothing else just for it's entertainment and high school drama value. The Brothers Schleck get-a-way attempts are OK, but would be better if they worked and seeing Wiggins up there contending has been fun.

The final climb of Stage 15 was exciting, seeing who would come out on top, who would take the win, and who would take Yellow. And It WAS amazing to see how Contador pulled away on that climb up to Verbier, I mean that guy can CLIMB. Of course it was a let down to see him do that cheezy "El Pistolero" thing crossing the line. It was even cool to see Armstrong come across to the lead group today. Strange to see him in this "support role", but cool that be had the ball, and the legs to get back on the lead group.

But now all that is done now. The Astana drama is sort of over, the yellow jersey was taken, and a climbing clinic was put on by Alberto Contador. NOW I want to see someone make a move. Get in a break, make up mad time and shake up the podium. I don't want to see status quo the whole way to Paris. You know I'm gonna watch every stage 2 or 3 times a day, just 'cause it's on, so please throw me a bone. Tomorrow's stage is a real chamois soiler. Should be a hoot to watch, but will be a BIGGER hoot if someone make a move that sticks and shakes things up.

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For my own time on the road today, it went about as I expected. It was freaking HHHHUMID, dank, and damp. My legs felt like Hefty Bags full of wet, dirty diapers and I entertained thoughts of aborting at mile 2. Not sure what the problem was. I went from having some killer rides for like two weeks, to feeling like a still warm dung heap at times the past few rides. I ended up getting my 31 mile loop in despite my suckness and had to be happy with pushing myself, and earning some Turkey Ball Calories. Of course with my current inability to shed weight, I should be eating nothing but Slim Fast Shakes and laxatives.

There was also the added comic bonus (I guess?)
of a THIRD roadside underwear sighting during today's ride...

This may be career high. We now have a black thong, some tighty-whities, and now one pair of pink cotton gutchies. I'm starting to think people are planting them along my loop. There just can NOT be this many underpantsless (word?) people in Western PA!! Maybe it's all the humidity and moisture we've had this year? Every one's trying to let their shit breathe, who knows?

Need to get a ton of work done tomorrow on the mag, and since my legs felt like dung, I might skip a ride tomorrow, get some work done, watch the Tour and wait for that "cannibal" move from someone.

Later.