On Not Faking It

I'm going to be brutally honest. I don't ride like I used to. OK, I ride like I used to, but I don't race like I used to. When I worked my shit job at the newspaper, racing and riding was sort of my focus to get through the day without taking a rope to the attic. Now my days are focused on XXC Magazine, being a good dad, and being as an adequate husband as I can be.

The mag has sort of replaced the racing a bit. I think about it when I working on it, when I'm riding, eating, sleeping, fornicating, etc., Where once I thought about how many hours I could ride in a week, how many calories I was eating, and what race I could do, I now I think about content, photos, design, paper stocks, getting costs down, and reader numbers up. And I like that.

I have never been a great racer, and only ever briefly "competed" in races, but my lack of focus on my riding and racing is apparent to myself, my friends, and to anyone I race with. So I have made the decision to stop trying to fake my way through, and abort racing for a while. And I'm fine with that. This is not a sad bastard moment. This is has been coming all season, and only now with break in the season do I feel comfortable starting over.

Even if I focused more on the racing and training right now I would still only be trying to maintain my mid-packness, the mag would suffer, and my family would suffer from my moody ass. If I had to give myself a choice to walk away from racing knowing I haven't given it my all, or from the mag knowing the same. I would pick racing. The mag is greater than me, and it has WAY more potential than I ever had at being an amateur, mid pack racer. I owe it to myself, to my family and to what readers XXC does have to get more focused and do what needs to be done.

This is not retirement. Really can anyone ever REALLY retire from something they do for shits and giggles? This is taking break to get mentally focused. To start over. In the fall I'd like to maybe do Iron Cross or let my friends sucker me into doing some 'cross races. I may even do the Fools Gold 50 in August, but it will be just to get away with friends and have some fun ridin' bikes.

Until I can get back into the shape I once was. both mentally and physically, I will say goodbye to racing. I enjoy everything that racing gives me, but I do not enjoy embarrassing myself time and time again as I cross the line spent and sick from the effort.

The past 2+ years I feel like I have been faking my way through races. You might be able to do that in a 15 mile Sport XC race, but you can NOT do it when it comes to endurance racing. The races demand your full respect and attention. Putting in 8 hours a week in the saddle, not eating right and drinking beer is NOT the way to train for endurance racing. At least for a soon to be 39 year old slacker, and I know better. I don't want to be the train wreck that everyone sees coming but me. NOT that that hasn't happened already! LOL!

I just hope that anyone who entered a race based on my enthusiasm has got as much out of it as I have over the years. If I inspired even one person to enter a race that they thought was impossible to finish, then I feel I did my job.

The summer is young, there are a lot of miles I still plan to ride, and a lot to do. On top of all that Wifey is on the cusp of a potential career move that could have us moving 0 to 40 to 2,000 miles away. So things will be ANYTHING but dull around our house for a while.

I'm looking forward to refocusing on riding and racing in the dirt. I truly believe that endurance mountain bike racing is the greatest sport in the world. To not do it sort of sucks. But to not share how freaking great it is would suck more.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Later.