The Pains Of Growing

I got nothing. Well, not NOTHING, but not much worth reading... Today was the first day since Sunday that I could ride and it pissed down rain all day. Boooo! Such is life. I'm just riding the rest of this year out anyway. I'm holding my weight steady, on the good side of NOT having a (another?) nervous breakdown and looking forward (oddly) to chilling with family and friends this Christmas. Come January I will continue to keep on keepin' on with the riding and the training that I like to call "doing stuff," but will be getting extreme on limiting the intake of some certain fluids. I need to get back to close to normal or check myself into rehab. I joke. Sort of.

I actually found myself going through the process of applying to the USPS today. What a pain in the balls that was! I wanted to get my job info out there if something would open up near M.P.. I think a job like there, UPS or some such place is all I could really do at this point in my life. I really have no other skills other than the minute amount of design skills I have and I'm 40.5 years old. I'm also not sure my 1990s art school skills are gonna get me too far (see xxcmag.com for more of that). Plus let's be honest, I'm not the brightest bulb in the batch.

It pains me to say this (and this is just me, not Wifey talking here) I need to make some money. Right now I am caught in a tight spot- the mag means so much to me and I have put a ton of work, passion and money into it, so I don't want to give it up but I need to make more money at it to keep it and myself going. As it is right now, I have NO real retirement plan, no "plan B." if something would (God forbid) happen to Wifey there is NO way could support myself (let alone B-Man) for more than a week with what the magazine is giving me. I hate to say all that, but it's true.

I have NO plans to give it up, but I feel it needs to change or I will end up in a bad way mentally (fried) and physically (dead). I think there are folks out there who think this is my hobby or that I do it for shits an giggles. I do it because I love the sport and love giving the endurance cycling community a magazine it deserves. I also love using what talents I do have to the best of my ability. BUT I also need to survive, so I need to think more about how to do that AND keep my sanity and self out of debt.

I think I read somewhere that there is some sort of rule in business that says you should never complain or show your weakness, but I'm not much of a business man. I AM the sort that needs to write stuff out like this to either A. Look at it later and realize what a ball sack I was, or B. develop a plan to avoid more of the same. You can think me a douche for typing this stuff, fine by me. Any bad shit you may think of me is only about 1/10000th of the bad shit I'm already thinking about myself. So no worries there.

I really did not like typing that stuff and admitting that while the magazine is more popular than it's ever been, I have no business plan for success. What was that I said earlier in the post? Oh yeah... "Such is life." All I can do is keep plugging away and do what is best for me and my family.

For now here is a shot or two of my ride on Sunday. Could be a few more days until I experience such riches. Did an hour on the trainer today jamming to Girl Talk, but not sure how many more of those I got in me.


Later.